September 5, 2010

Tips on “Deep Listening”

My mom passed on these tips from Andrew Weiss on deep listening:

  • Be present. Give your him/her your complete attention Be aware of what is happening inside you.
  • Be open. Put aside all your assumptions about who this person is and try to listen to who they are right now. Ask questions that convey your deep concern.
  • Stay aware of your emotions. Notice what happens to you when you are hearing something you find difficult or painful. Often someone's issues will deeply touch our own. We need to recognize those feelings, breathe deeply, and release those feelings in order to continue listening with attention.
  • Make space. If emotions run too high, ask for a short break. This may be painful for the other person, but tell them you will be a better listener if you take some time to let your own emotions drain out and do something to feed your compassion and love.

Six Months in Rwanda

Thank you for your faithful and persistent prayers for our family and our transition to Rwanda. This past Sunday (June 28, 2009) marked the end of our first six months in Rwanda! Wow, time has flown by. Our logistic transition actually began last November. So, for the past eight months we've been packing, traveling, waiting, chasing paperwork, unpacking, repairing, fixing, settling and most of all, learning. The Lord gave us strength through it all in answer to your many prayers. Thank you! We are now settled and our transition to our new life and ministry in Rwanda is COMPLETE!

Even though our "transition" is complete, we are still adjusting and the past six months have been very emotional at times. Integrating into a new culture can put a family under a lot of stress! These past six months we've had three emotional dynamics challenging us: Transition Shock, Culture Shock and Spiritual Resistance and Attack.

Transition Shock: We left a smooth running ministry in a place that was our home for almost ten years. We were functioning well in two other languages. Our kids loved their Tabligbo MK School. We loved our ministry there and the fruit that God was bearing through us was often evident and encouraging. Any transition out of a good situation to another is going to bring along emotional strain. Whether we had returned to the States or to another African country we were going to struggle with Transition Shock. EVERYTHING is NEW! House, vehicle, dog, friends, shopping, language, culture, school, climate, logistics, food, relationships, etc. It's all new. New wears us out physically and emotionally. Flat tire, where do I get it changed? No printer, where can I print a color copy? No insurance, where can I buy vehicle insurance? No furniture, where can we get a bookshelf? No city water, where can we find water to fill up our tank? Relationships, how do we handle a worker who lies to us in this culture? The list goes on.

Culture Shock: I made this separate because it has it's own unique challenges.

  • Trust Issues. When I was purchasing my vehicle we went back and forth with the owner. He wanted 100% of the money before he would give me the keys. However, we couldn't accept that because there was some significant paperwork that he had to do to change the registration on the vehicle before it would be legally mine. If I gave him 100% of the funds, where would his motivation be to finish the paperwork. He couldn't trust me, I couldn't trust him. Hours and hours were spent discussing this matter (through a translator). Finally, I had to give in and give him 98% of the money and "trust" that he would do the paperwork. Somebody had to extend trust.  People here don't always assume the best. It's the first foreign country that I've been in where when I try to speak the language everybody isn't necessarily overjoyed. Some are suspicious, "Why is this White man trying to speak my language?" they ask. "What's his true motivation?" We are here to bless, but must spend a lot of time just earning trust before we can bless.
  • Accusation. Likewise, when there is lack of trust there is often accusation. The evil one speaks the language of accusation and he has many servants here speaking his language. Unfortunately, we hear that language all too often in Rwanda. Even in our first six months this language has been spoken to us. Praise God the Accuser stands condemned! Praise God that He is speaking the language of LOVE! We live before One audience and He is not the accuser.
  • Legal Challenges. In Togo they had laws. But they were more like "guidelines" and could be bended for "friends". Here, the necessary paperwork to adhere to all of the laws is amazing! And, the paperwork is all connected. This document requires this signature which requires this document which requires this stamp, etc.  Lots of hours and days are spent preparing, changing, re-preparing paper work!
  • Language Learning. Compared to the other languages that we have learned, this is by far the most difficult! We feel a lot of pressure to learn language quickly but it's been very difficult to focus with all of the other adjustment issues going on. There are also unknown expectations. We face them everyday, expectations from Rwandans, government officials, new co-workers, etc. Sometimes we're really not sure how to act or what to do in certain situations. There are cultural norms that we are trying to figure out but it's not easy.

Spiritual Resistance and Attack: Rwanda is a spiritual battle zone, much more intense than Togo. Perhaps it's the same as Togo but more covert. Here, the warfare is not always obvious, it's often hidden and mostly in the battlefield of our minds. I mentioned the trust issues earlier in the culture shock section. Well, this plays into the spiritual section as well because distrust, I believe, has a evil foundation. It's one of the weapons that the enemy uses in Rwanda. I find myself having thoughts (from evil forces I believe) that I can't trust this person or that person. Or fearful thoughts of "what is he going to do to me?" or even judgmental thoughts "he doesn't trust you". Everyone in the world, the evil one uses this weapon, but for some reason Rwanda is MUCH more intense. In Togo, the enemy's main weapon was jealousy. We saw it used over and over to destroy relationships. Here, it's division and distrust and it's intense.

All three factors combined together put us through quite an interesting time these past six months. It’s not just one thing, it’s all three working together that makes life interesting! However, in everything the Lord continues to give us wisdom, strength and encouragement in answer to your prayers.

Thank you! The Lord is listening and answering!

Murphy and Christine

Pales in Comparison

You know, this was actually a good week to have all of this "running around" because the challenge of clearing this container is NOTHING when compared to the challenge of enduring the genocide 15 years ago or even putting a country back together after total devastation. My few container challenges simply pale in comparison to the suffering that took place here.

This morning in worship the preacher asked, "Where was God during the Genocide?" Then he went on to ask, "Where was God when His Son was nailed to the cross?" It was powerful!

The presence of evil did not mean the abscence of God. In Jesus' case, it mean the absolute love of a Father for His children. He had to suffer and live through the pain of death in order to truly give them life!

What a loving God we serve! He endured the cross and conquered death in order to break the chains of darkness once and for all. And although the evil one continues to try to destroy everything good that God has made, there is always hope for redemption, salvation, healing and ultimately RESURRECTION!

May you have a blessed day, knowing that He loved you enough to die in your place. Sweet Jesus, thank you!